It's crazy how two people who were tight as can be can be so separated. I mean I see him everyday, I mean everyday YET it seems like I don't see him at all. Or maybe it's that he doesn't see me. Am I really invisible? I know, I'll admit that when all of this began, I never thought I'd be sitting here 6 years later typing any of this. But here I am. In the beginning, we went out every weekend. I mean every weekend. The beach, Ontario Malls, Hollywood, clubs, bars (wow bars), karaoke bars, malls, movies, concerts, Vegas, San Diego, game night, etc.. To go from ALL of that to not a god damn thing is ridiculous. I mean we are talking about someone who I could call on a dime and would be there. Someone who I could mention something to just once and who would remember when I asked him to. I don't know what went wrong. Actually, I do. But that was many moons ago and there was no commitment between us. However, to be fair, there was an understanding and I suppose I may have broken that trust. He tells me now that there is no going back once that's been broken and I think otherwise. When two people are in a marriage and someone is untruthful, I understand the bond that is broken, the trust value breaks down. When two people are in a dating relationship, I also understand because there certain rules that are agreed upon but I just don't think that I did something SO bad that it's too much to come back from. All I know is that in the end, I truly miss the friendship we once had. Above all, I miss my best friend, my confidante, my road dawg (if you will). I am in love with my best friend (or what was left of him) but I honestly cannot wait for the day when I can truly say I am over it. Not that I want to be but he has made it a point to let me know HE truly is. Until then, this is my solace. Thank you for many great years E! I only wish they hadn't ended in vain. I also want to let you know that my one moment of untruthfulness wasn't worth all that has happened. I suppose I have a hand in the man you are now. I only hope that you change that for the next woman who you let in as we (women) are not all the same as I know all of you (men) are not either. Wish me luck...time to turn the page and write the next chapter in this book called "My Life". However, we may visit this topic a few more times. Sorry.
<3
Your Dawg, Homie, Em & Pookie
Saturday, September 26, 2009
The way we were.......
love always, MizMarlene1 at 10:22 AM 0 comments
Labels: Friends, Friendship, LOVE
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
You Have To Know You're Worth It!
love always, MizMarlene1 at 9:03 AM 0 comments
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Butterfly Kiss <3
BOY LOVED GIRL, she loved somebody else.
GIRL LOVES BOY...he's moved on.
Why does everything I do never seem to be enough? I sit here now and still stand by my decision to NOT jump into anything with anyone else right away. After having dating one of the biggest MORONS I've ever met for 6 yrs, I didn't want to mistake a "great guy" as a rebound. SO I didn't, I waited..exactly 4 years. I always knew in the back of my mind that what I had was great YET I still approached it cautiously. Now I am paying for it. There are days when I am great then there are times like now when it all hits home. I am not fine with the situation nor the facade I am putting on for "him." Everybody else sees it and he does too but I truly without a doubt need to let it go. Friendship isn't enough and though I have many days/weeks where I am okay with just that, in the end I am not. I know I want more, he knows I want more but I wind up with nothing. I deserve more..I deserve better. I know he doesn't act out in a malicious way but that's how I feel. I know what I need to do so I better get a jump on it soon. I just hope he knows what he's done and why I need to do what I need to do. It sucks to love someone and not have it reciprocated. But then again, "what goes around comes around." I thought I had made amends but it seems as though I am mistaken. The weird thing is I believe I loved him all along but I was just too scared to admit it. I guess I should get use to the idea that it's not going to happen.
I'd be happy with just one "butterfly kiss." Oh well, time to wake up and realize that love isn't a fairytale.....
love always, MizMarlene1 at 11:35 AM 0 comments
Labels: Boy/Girl, Butterfly, Butterfly Kiss
Friday, September 18, 2009
I Love My Hater(s).....
p.s. If you're reading this momma, sorry but I said I'd keep it REAL on my blog! This is only the beginning! (You know who this trick is too; if not ask me and I'll remind you)
love always, MizMarlene1 at 5:51 PM 0 comments
Labels: HATERS, I LOVE MY HATERS
A Marilyn or A Jackie...
love always, MizMarlene1 at 2:06 PM 0 comments
Labels: Jackie Kennedy, John F. Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe