Over the Past....

It's crazy to run into your past because you expect all of these emotions to come forth and readily prepare yourself to run. Yet that SO did not happen to me when I ran into my past last week. I felt no butterflies (in a bad way), no jitters, no shortness of breath, nothing. That was before I even entered the building. Now granted, I didn't know for sure that the past would even appear but I was prepared for it regardless. Once I was in the presence of the past, I can't even explain the emotions I felt. I guess if I had to sum it up in one word it would be NOTHING! Absolutely nothing. I mean I was a bit surprised that I truly felt nothing. In the midst of all that nothingness, I can't say that the "past" took it the same way. HAHAHAHAHA, karma always comes back around to bite you in the ASS. I feel nothing for the past but I am grateful to have experienced it. I learned that there were certain things I do not want to ever feel again and I also learned that love doesn't hurt! Not true love. So thank you the "past" for without you, I could never have been as strong as I am now and I never would have met a MAN that would change my life and prove that GOD does make the perfect mate for you. On the other hand, kiss my ass because all you'll ever have are the memories I left behind. On to the future......
M*

I write today not from a very happy place. The thing is, I think, no I KNOW that my spirit has been broken. It's not one simple thing; it's an accumulation of things. My world feels as though the walls are tumbling in on me and though I KNOW I should be grateful for the health and safety of my family, which is obviously the MOST important thing, I can't help but feel a little selfish at the same time because while the aforementioned is GREAT, my own personal self is not. As time goes on, I trust less and less people and I'm beginning to believe without a doubt that most people are users, liars, and "untrue." It baffles me how life is at times. Even as I sit here typing, I find it quite hard to voice my thoughts and speak directly from the heart because I know that most people won't even look at this blog. But for those who do, sometimes things aren't as they seem. Just because it seems like I am "ok" doesn't mean I am. Maybe instead of judging me, ask me how I am doing. I love being the giver but I'm tired of people taking from me. I know, sounds like an oxymoron but that's the only way to describe it. I will hopefully get over this feeling but until I do, I remain broken spirited.
M.