Pondering.....

May 2nd..........damn. This year has been going by SO fast that I can barely keep up. Same shit, new day. BUT I am def further than I was a year ago, and furthest from where I was two years ago. So. as I creep closer and closer to that BIG birthday, I find myself at a crossroad. Some days, I just want to crawl up in a hole and hide for the shame I feel that I have not accomplished one personal goal of mine that I set years back.....on other days I am MORE than happy for whom I've become and what I've accomplished thus far. I am NOT a rock, far from it, BUT I am not a cookie either, easy to crumble. I am just me and I have come to realize that THAT is more than enough and if it's not, then FUCK YOU, you are not worth my time.
I have so much to be thankful for yet remain selfish because I want more! Personal wants, professional wants....something for just ME. Is that too much to ask for?! Oh well, I want it. There I said it. I want HIM. I want that. I want those. I want this. There I said it. I

I want to be somewhere lying on a beach, no worries, no stresses, just me and him feeding off each other. Beautiful sunrise/sunset, ocean waves crashing, sun kissing my hair, and his hand on my face while whispering, "we're really here, we're back."
Damn, this heat has me trippin'.....keep it thug..no tears here.
Just 100....that is all for now.....
*eM