I am done, smoking gun
We've lost it all, the love is gone
She has won, now it's no fun
We've lost it all, the love is gone
And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn't keep your hands to yourself
I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me
And we tried, oh how we cried
We lost ourselves, the love has died
And though we tried you can't deny
We're left as shells, we lost the fight
And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn't keep your hands to yourself
I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me
Now I know you're sorry and we were sweet
But you chose lust when you deceived me
And you'll regret it, but it's too late
How can I ever trust you again?
I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
"You Lost Me...."
Thursday, June 14, 2012
My Give a F**k Is Broken!
To say the last year and a half has "sucked" would be an understatement. I managed to be exiled from the island I so cozy lived on. So many people have tired of me so much that they aren't only pushing me out of their lives, they are picking up chairs and throwing my ass out. I feel like I have lost so much in such a short time YET gained so much in the long run. As weird as that seems, I feel like I have gained a whole new perspective on my life and where I want to be. As my 38th birthday nears the corner, I find myself single for the first time in a really long time and what makes it WORSE, is that it is all at the horrendous loss of my "soul mate;" more appropriately dubbed, MY BEST FRIEND. I've also managed to piss off the only other person of equal importance, my Momma. I have lost the closeness of my brothers' and maybe, just maybe that's my fault BUT I really am not going to sit here and take all the blame. Fuck that. My world as I knew it has crumbled around me and I've taken to blocking out the rest of the world. If I can't have those who I love the most, I want for no one. A bit over-ambitious I know but it's true. Work, home, work home, an occasional trip to the market, and back home. THAT has been my life in the past few months. Sure after learning that it was possibly over for good with "e," I went out 3 times a week: drink, hang out, dance, act like I didn't have a care in the world BUT not once, not fucken one time did I ever even look at the opposite sex. Not once! It pist me off! I mean after all, isn't that the point people go out to the club, to the bars, is to hook up or at least play the game. It's all part of this bullshit game. I've done it SO many times throughout the years and have always been quite successful. As my motto goes, "it's not that I can't find someone to love me, it's that I can't keep them from leaving me in spite of it." Story of my life. I've been a few people's "great love," hell even their "greatest conquest (at least one), but none had ever been the "one" to make it through all the barb wired walls surrounding my heart. None but THE one. But I'm so tired of rehashing that subject. He wants another now so fuck him right? Wrong. I wish it were that easy. It's not at all. Not even close. But that's neither near nor there anymore. I'm sure we'll revisit this broken record once again in a few days, possibly a few weeks. The HOPE is to stop it altogether. I mean after all, how many times can the same story be written, right?
"May the best of my today's be the worst of my tomorrow's; but I ain't even thinking that far." ~~Jay Z
Sunday, May 20, 2012
"Now You're Just Somebody That I Used To Know"
To you.....
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something I'd done
And I don't want to live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Somebody I used to know
(Somebody) Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Somebody I used to know
(Somebody) Now you're just somebody that I used to know
I used to know, that I used to know, I used to know somebody
From Me.....
Monday, December 26, 2011
Cheers to the end of 2011.....
As this year creeps up to its final day, I have to ponder back on the good/bad that its brought me. I have to honestly say, it didn't exactly start off with a BANG! Or rather, maybe it did. All in one shot, I lost 2 things I treasured most but gained SO much more. I found some much need independence and found out a lot about myself. You would think that after 37 years, one would be pretty in tune with herself but you never truly know who you are until you're forced to look deep within. I have so many gifts to be thankful for and so many successes that when times are rough, I forget those things. It's a lot harder to put forward the bad and push the good to the back. I have found freedom in my own apt. I have found inner peace with what I deserve. I know my worth now. It may not mean much to many but it sure matters to a few. I have realized what limits I will allow myself to pushed too. I understand more in depth the true faces of a lot of people I valued. I also learned that no matter how many times someone claims they will never deceive you, never hurt you, never leave you behind; they will..........
Yes, I do have more to be grateful for than not, but I still suffer from my disappointments and heartaches and that's the truth. I still struggle with my inner demons and the workings of a little girl still trapped inside yearning for that one man to tell her everything will be ok. But I can say, from the other side of this laptop, that I am not unhappy. I'm just in neutral. My hope for 2012 is to find TRUE HAPPINESS whether in love or single, whether lonely or fulfilled, whether surrounded by a ton of loyal friends, or one. I hope to rekindle with a part of me I haven't seen in awhile. I also hope that some of my heartaches will ease as I know that tomorrow is never promised to any of us and it's a waste of time to continue giving someone/something else so much energy only to have NOTHING given in return. Today is December 26 and there are only 5 more days left in this year. Will I be spending New Year's Eve alone again this time around? Probably, but I'm at least "ok" with it this year. Much love to those missing from my puzzle and sincere happiness and luck to those who choose to disconnect. I love you the same.
*M.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
100 Day Photo Challenge!
Make an album saying 100 day photo challenge
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
We Found Love In A Hopeless Place
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
"Love the Way You LIE...."
On the first page of our story
The future seemed so bright
Then this thing turned out so evil
I don't know why I'm still surprised
Even angels have their wicked schemes
And you take that to new extremes
But you'll always be my hero
Even though you've lost your mind
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's all right because I love the way you lie
Now there's gravel in our voices
Glass is shattered from the fight
In this tug of war, you'll always win
Even when I'm right
'Cause you feed me fables from your hand
With violent words and empty threats
And it's sick that all these battles
Are what keeps me satisfied
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Oohh, I love the way you lie, oohh
So maybe I'm a masochist
I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave
'Til the walls are goin' up
In smoke with all our memories
This morning, you wake, a sunray hits your face
Smeared make-up as we lay in the wake of destruction
Hush baby, speak softly, tell me you're awfully sorry
That you pushed me into the coffee table last night
So I can push you off me
Try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me
Run out the room and I'll follow you like a lost puppy
Baby, without you, I'm nothing, I'm so lost, hug me
Then tell me how ugly I am, but that you'll always love me
Then after that, show me, in the aftermath of the
Destructive path that we're on, two psychopaths but we
Know that no matter how many knives we put in each other's backs
That we'll have each other's backs, 'cause we're that lucky
Together, we move mountains, let's not make mountains out of molehills
You hit me twice, yeah, but who's countin'
I may have hit you three times, I'm startin' to lose count
But together, we'll live forever, we found the youth fountain
Our love is crazy, we're nuts, but I refused counsellin'
This house is too huge, if you move out I'll burn all two thousand
Square feet of it to the ground, ain't shit you can do about it
With you I'm in my fucking mind, without you, I'm out it
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
