"I Got Ice In My Veins, Blood In My Eyes, Hate In My Heart, Love In My Mind...."

If I ever find the man who penned the phrase, "happily ever after," I am going to give him a swift kick in the ass! That quote has haunted women for many generations. We all fall for the same storyline where "Prince Charming" shows up just in time to rescue his "Princess." It's so CLICHE! It's amazing that even as time evolves, we still find ourselves falling for this same line of bullshit over and over again.

I have to admit, before all of this bitterness was a little girl who dreamt of the white wedding, the saving herself for one man, the glass shoe, the man who would take her away and tell her all was going to be okay. I dreamt of the white picket fence, babies, a solid and loving marriage where "cheating" was only a word used when playing board games and not with hearts. A time when all I could think of was how it would feel to finally tell someone I loved him and have him tell me in return and MEAN IT!

We've seen in all of the common fairytale movies that no matter what the woman has said and regardless of what the man has done, all will work itself out because afterall, the boy gets the girl in the end right? Boy, that couldn't be further from the truth. Sure we attempt to go on believing that God has created that ONE person made especially for us, the one man/woman who will love you unconditionally, respect you, want you and ONLY YOU! Your complete equal, your soulmate, the love of you life. SIGH....SIGH...and more SIGHS!



I feel a sneeze coming on...Aaahh--ahhh.....BULLSHIT!... Excuse me!

We are lead to believe early on that this whole "happily ever after" truly does exist when all along, happiness is what you make it. It is not the same for everybody because what makes you happy may not matter to someone else and vice versa.

A girl who is born into this world everyday, rightfully deserves the man, the very FIRST man who should love her, show her what love really is, and who will show her the TRUE meaning of her worth. Instead, some of these girls are left hanging by fate and in turn go on awaiting their first heartache which is really not a true heartbreak because if it's not whole to begin with, it cannot truly be broken.

See, I've learned this the hard way and even now as I type this particular blog, I sit here as a 36 year old woman only ever having experienced "LOVE" once.

Yet I still yearn for the love, the purest of love from the one man who will never provide it to me. I can honestly say that even at its worst, LOVE has a way of changing you. When it's real and without doubt, it's very fulfilling, very giving, very open, and not loaded with all the bullshit games. It attaches to you like a stain you cannot remove. You never see it coming and sometimes it's staring you right in the face.

Thanks to ONE man, I am no longer BLINDED by the false pretenses, pretend storylines, and FAKE promises a man makes to a woman because afterall, isn't it merely about sex anyway?

Thank you E. I dedicate THIS blog to you and graciously bow out of this SICK LOVE.

To everyone else who still believes in "happily ever after," I'll leave you with this:

I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet and lead her up the stairwell

I was a dreamer before he went and let me down
Now it's too late for me to wait for the white horses to come around
and Prince Charming isn't coming either.

Happy endings now I know, truly don't exist but LOVE even in all its dreary light, does. However, it's never enough and usually winds up hurting you in the end.

Thanks for the false hopes. Oh and Cupid is full of shit just the same.
The sooner you realize that, the faster you'll accept it!

Moral to this story...there are no happy endings.........

I'm Gone.......

p.s. To all the men who abandon their "donations," please remember it is YOU who fucks us over first and THEM who pay for it later."

Em*