Cheers to the end of 2011.....

As this year creeps up to its final day, I have to ponder back on the good/bad that its brought me. I have to honestly say, it didn't exactly start off with a BANG! Or rather, maybe it did. All in one shot, I lost 2 things I treasured most but gained SO much more. I found some much need independence and found out a lot about myself. You would think that after 37 years, one would be pretty in tune with herself but you never truly know who you are until you're forced to look deep within. I have so many gifts to be thankful for and so many successes that when times are rough, I forget those things. It's a lot harder to put forward the bad and push the good to the back. I have found freedom in my own apt. I have found inner peace with what I deserve. I know my worth now. It may not mean much to many but it sure matters to a few. I have realized what limits I will allow myself to pushed too. I understand more in depth the true faces of a lot of people I valued. I also learned that no matter how many times someone claims they will never deceive you, never hurt you, never leave you behind; they will..........
Yes, I do have more to be grateful for than not, but I still suffer from my disappointments and heartaches and that's the truth. I still struggle with my inner demons and the workings of a little girl still trapped inside yearning for that one man to tell her everything will be ok. But I can say, from the other side of this laptop, that I am not unhappy. I'm just in neutral. My hope for 2012 is to find TRUE HAPPINESS whether in love or single, whether lonely or fulfilled, whether surrounded by a ton of loyal friends, or one. I hope to rekindle with a part of me I haven't seen in awhile. I also hope that some of my heartaches will ease as I know that tomorrow is never promised to any of us and it's a waste of time to continue giving someone/something else so much energy only to have NOTHING given in return. Today is December 26 and there are only 5 more days left in this year. Will I be spending New Year's Eve alone again this time around? Probably, but I'm at least "ok" with it this year. Much love to those missing from my puzzle and sincere happiness and luck to those who choose to disconnect. I love you the same.

*M.